I don't know where I'm going with myself, so goddamn fucking cofused that I don't have the strenght to think about myself anymore. I still have this feeling of beeing put in the wrong place, it's just that.. Everything is so complicated and when I look around for other T guys and read their stories I feel like, woa! I haven't been through the same pain, but still I feel like this, am I not for real? Is it just "fake feelings"? I get so confused, and frustrated and angry. I want to get this started I want the hormones, I want the beard, I want the low voice, I want that stupid second puberty, full of acne and wahtever! I want my hormone outbreaks and freakouts, I want to go through puberty, and this time the right one. I cant explain why, I just feel that way!!
All of my friends now call me Matte, even the adults at the church, and it makes me so happy, so full of relief and all the black clouds within me just pours out.
this just sucks,
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