thoughts and feelings

Why do I have this desire to have facial hair? A deeper voice?
Why would I desire this if I weren't born in the wrong body? Why would my own mind fool me?
Does it? Will it? I'm so goddamn confused that it hurts.

I feel good about myself when people call me him and he. I fell really good and happy.
Two more meetings before the new year and the last meeting we'll talk about weither to send this referral for further investigation and possible diagnosis.

I don't want to be standing, after all the surgery, years of hormones, changed gender if it's not the right thing. I don't want to discover that my mind played a trick on me.

These feelings I have... Can they really be... Fake? Cause that must be what they are if it plays tricks on me. Can I trust my feelings? How can I know when to trust my feelings even if it plays tricks on me just once? How will I know that it won't happen again?